The serenity prayer is broken down into a few questions that will help recognize and decrease the sense of powerlessness.
- What is my control?
- What can I change?
- What can’t I change?
- How do I know the difference?
Control
To control is to exercise power or authority over something. Oftentimes, addiction will encourage the addict that they are in control over the use of substances. After the body becomes dependent, the brain produces cravings of a physiological nature that an addict cannot control. While the addict believes that he or she can stop substance abuse at anytime he or she wants, he or she is not able to because of physiological effects.
This type of thinking also translates into external situations for an addict. They will always believe that they can control the outcomes of situations based upon their input or involvement. This is most evident in the addict who continues to use despite family confrontations about addiction. The addict will lie and manipulate to continue using drugs and alcohol. He or she will have a false sense of being in control, although people on the outside clearly see the dysfunction.
What is actually in our control is how we respond to others, our own feelings and thoughts, and our physical actions.
Change
Attempting to change something that is not in our control is self defeating behavior. We are only able to change what is in our immediate control: our response to thoughts, to feelings, and to others. The object is to respond and not react to circumstances which are not in our control. We can not change the past or predict the future so remaining in the present is key.
Forcing others to see our perspective or change their point of view is unhealthy, especially when under the influence of alcohol and drugs. Addiction causes addicts to respond irrationally when they are not in control. Addiction leads you to believe that you can control, change and predict outcomes.
Knowing What is in My Control vs. What Is Not
This is where most addicts struggle. Knowing what they can and cannot control. This is a skill that takes time and practice. Addicts will believe that they can control drugs and alcohol use despite negative consequences.
Some questions that may help are:
- Does this situation directly involve me?
- What can I do differently to impact this situation?
- Am I attempting to control outcomes?
- How can I manage this situation assertively without the use of drugs and alcohol?
Attempting to control situations that are not in your control can increase stress and arguments among loved ones. Admitting you are powerless in your addiction is the first step in the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Relinquishing control can be a freeing experience if you are willing to take the risk.
